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Sweet and Sour

I pluck a shiny leaf or two beneath a shady tree

I cross over to the next flower

Human bee-ing; pollinating breed

These are tiny, red and fickle-stemmed

But that nectar, sweet and sour

And by the time plucked-stem-hits-tongue,

I’ve moved on to another bower

This one curls in a tight corner before

shooting towards the sky

And the hedges that surround it

Make good shelter by and by

Here, the sun can wane in full

Leaving Breeze to tempt night fires

And soon the moon is high above

The crickets chirp, ladybirds retire

And just when I rise, sated by these hours

Here comes the Queen of the Night, a scent that overpowers 

Inspiration Prose et Poesie
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Changeling

It does not softly rain through the snow
It melts, it hardens
The layers beyond are brittle
Cracked with the slightest pressure
Flowered with fluff
Relying on roots that do not pierce
That which does not pierce cannot persevere

 

It does not softly rain through the snow
It cures, it mixes
the mulch and concrete, serving us
Dirt from the deep
Footsteps wound beneath
Donning unique rivulets to the crevices
Through which the mulch mix
Seeps

 

It does not softly rain through the snow
It alters,
Waters down many moons, in flow.

Inspiration Prose et Poesie
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Exhale

Focus on your breathing or some shit 

And let the fact that the scab is now a scar convince you that you are healing

(though, not quick)

The pangs will not always echo as long or flow as deep

The earth quaking in your chest cavity when you weep

will eventually not exhaust you

And the dark you so strongly want to deplete will recede

through the fault lines of your lips

Memories seeping towards release

Whispers in the mist –

 

Breathe, breathe, breathe

Inspiration Prose et Poesie
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Relinquishing

Try to visualize how big the universe is- can you see it?

Do you have the scope?

 

And that moment when you realize that the task you have just been set exceeds the bounds of your imagination- that submission to the impossibility of the Sisyphean?

Do you feel it? Have you manned the slope?

 

It is in that moment that you might understand it’s totality. And then, like me, all that will remain is the surrender of control to its unconditional being.

Have you learned it? Have you mined it’s hope?

 

I opened my arms as wide as they could go

Then imagined that I was throwing them even wider –

Wider than they could throw

I set about to gather the galaxy in their midst

But first I had to see the galaxy’s limits,

wrap my hands around it’s borders, and squeeze

them into the labyrinth of my ribs

 

I breathed out to remove the excess that would impede this feat;

Lungs and air excessive in the rift

that I had created to hold the universe within

And I should have understood at the end the same thing

I wish I had known at the beginning- 

That I could not see this galaxy’s limits.

 

So I stretched and stretched

and hoped to stumble upon its size within my mind

so I could then follow the map to its sides

When I realized I did not even know

the borders of my own mind

 

I could not touch the edges of my imagination. Yet beyond that lay the universe, HER own initiation, so I froze as it came to me that arms out wide, they lay short of reconciliation –

Are you living it?  Is this ship afloat?

 

Try again to visualize how big the universe is; try to understand that this cannot be achieved.

 

The impossible task was comprehending its very magnitude, understanding that I could not hope to reach it’s resolve; the moment when I finally let go. This is the only moment you need to understand why I closed my arms and accepted the vastness of the universe in loving you.

Inspiration Prose et Poesie
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Transparent Markers

In relationships, where is the marker between ego and self respect?

In respect, where is the marker between ego and sense of self?

What do we know about sense of self? My sense of self shifts everyday, from its very foundation. I spend a lot of time oscillating between an understanding of my scope of self and then an understanding of how many of those parts are interacting on a daily basis. 

How many people are convinced that they haven’t looked deep enough into themselves? Like they haven’t peeled back the layers far enough and what they understand to be of self might very well have left a few layers unexplored. What if you’re only a talented liar when it comes to lies you tell yourself?

I’m convinced this is the case with a lot of people who harbor the fear of being hurt, or who have at some point or the other in their lives, decided against the long hard road of emotional unease, opting instead to pretend that something never mattered that much, never got deep enough to hurt them to distraction. That fear of vulnerability is an acceptance of self deception; a contract to lie to oneself for as long as necessary and maybe till the day they die, a bed of uncertainty made that will grow doubt and confusion for a significant portion of one’s life. It’s as simple as this – if I fear my hurt to the point where I am unwilling to feel it all the way through, I will throw up blocks with varying levels of dishonesty in order to build a solid enough labyrinth in my mind to prevent my access to the truth aka the pain. That labyrinth will only serve as the shaky foundation to my continued perception of my self and my values and my strength. This foundation will leave cracks wide enough for anxiety, self doubt, self loathing, and depression to seep in and find purchase. If one is susceptible to these things, at least.

Whenever the day comes that I then want to dig out, break down this house on its shaky foundation, I will find that it’s been welded with a variety of stuff I had no business gathering. Now the chaff and grain are identifying as self, now I identify as part chaff, now I’m doubting my worth. Now I’m doubting me. How does one go about untangling that? And how does the building’s demolition not feel like self destruction? How do you start from scratch when the scratch you’ve so far come to understand has been a lie?

Where is that marker exactly? Where is that sense of self?

Anyway, I’m a stone in this quarry, a sailor on this sea. I’m currently struggling with these questions. I’m on a constant search to find me.

Inspiration Journaling
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The Win

My hope for you today is that you recognise the win.

That when your continuous labour of love finally folds amidst your constant push – removes the occasional stumbling block and lets you stand a little straighter, you feel that relief;

My hope for you is that you breathe that moment, that the reprieve seeps in and reignites the hope within.

That the fear that barks around your ankles – urging you to venerate the strain we call the hustle, rolls over and plays dead to your victory lay.

That you take your moment when you have won;

do not bury the song.

Inspiration Prose et Poesie